One day recently, when I was pushing myself to be super-efficient and strike those items off the old to-do list, I called an 83-year-old woman to interview her about an award she won. Last year, Marian Chuan started a volunteer program so she and her neighbors, most of whom are in their eighties and nineties, can brighten the days of those in The Village at Valle Verde, the health center at the Santa Barbara continuing care retirement community where they live. They strike up one-to-one friendships and visit regularly, sharing meals, taking walks, or just talking.
When I spoke with her, Ms. Chuan said the recognition -- a Volunteer Service Award from Aging Services of California -- didn’t mean that much to her. What mattered, she said, were the connections the program created between people.
“At age 83,” she said, “I really understand and really accept that people can make a difference. Those are words you hear all the time. Until you really see the result, you don’t fully understand what it means. The most important part of people’s lives is their relationships.”
She’s right -- that is something you hear all the time. Two things really, that what we do can matter and that what matters most is the tie between people. But when someone with eight decades behind her says it, it has a lot more oomph.
“Alone, we can do so little; together we can do so much,” she continued, quoting Helen Keller. “At the end stage of life -- that’s the group we work with -- the most important thing is the human companionship. Not the medicine, not the food, the human companionship. You hear them say, ‘I am so grateful to have a friend.’ It has such deep meaning for the people. You can just tell how grateful they are. Also, when you hear someone say, ‘Oh, don’t leave me now. I’m so happy when you are here,’ it’s the human connection that’s so valuable, the friendship that’s so valuable.
“When you have this age group volunteer and serve the 80-, 90-, 100-year-olds, we understand each other. We understand what we are going through. We understand that tomorrow it can happen to me.”
She and the other volunteers let those they visit know that they understand what they have accomplished in life, she said. They convey, “You are not forgotten, you are still an important individual, and you are loved. Life is worth living.”
Chuan went on, “When they say, ‘Don’t leave. I’m so happy when you’re here,’ it’s the meaning of life, I think.’”
By the time I got off the phone, the to-do list didn’t seem quite so important any more. Maybe I could let a few items go and use the time to stop by and see a friend. He isn't ill or even that far along in years, but I knew he was feeling lonesome.
